53 Days More - My Confessions

I won't be advertising this post, no links whatsoever. Its too personal and controversial. This is only for the dear few people who subscribes and follows this blog.  

In the past weeks, everyday at work I always have little revelations about myself. And lately, this has been the most controversial of all..."I don't like my job!" Why?

Let me recount the reasons in out-of-my-mind order:

1. I don't want scolding people! I just hate it! But I have to because they are trained or hardwired to move if you reprimand them first. I don't know, maybe I'm just too soft that's why I don't get the results. But I am soft! That's me! I can't be rough and tough on people! HAHAHA! Your so weak hanz!

2. I want to bring out the best of everybody but I cannot because a good number of them just work not becuase they're good at it but because they have to look for money. So you can't expect results.

3. The system is faulty. The best example is, "If one is on-leave, everybody fails."

4. And I have the burden of solving 1,2,3 to be an effective supervisor.

5. I just hate the fact that my master is the punchcard!!!

6. No offense, but I really feel lonely. Especially every lunch! Yes, everybody is great, but I don't know anyone who can relate with me. (You're right, I am the youngest) And this is also the same reason people avoid me. (By the way, I hate trash talk.)

7. Being up there - in my position - is lonely.

8. No support group! It's so difficult to work with no one backing you up. Or even guiding you. If I have a project or program I have to move heaven and earth to make it happen - alone!

9.  I recently discovered that I cannot do routines and monotony. That's why you would see me in all departments! (Yes, I hate periodic nonsense paper works)

and the hardest it....

10.I have to face 1 to 9 everyday with a smile on my face, thinking positively, and being proud of my team.

Imagine?

Okay you can call me weak, perfectionist, with low social skills, and needs to read more self-help leadership books. But hey, that's me! I am the soft good guy who hunts people's potentials and make them proud of it. Yes, I honestly can brag that I have DONE A WHOLE LOT for the company but deep inside I am empty. Yes, I have learned so much and helped a lot of people and employees but I'm still where I am yesterday. Yes, people speak good about me and expect me to be on top sooner or later but I haven't spoken good about myself lately. Yes, I have a good salary, (and I need it..hehehe).

Writing this post has been tough, an eye-opener, and someone-would-fire-me-soon, but I'm just so full of this thoughts. Okay, the company has brought good things for me too, I could list 79 of them in this post, but these thoughts are the heaviest. Oh okay, okay, maybe I'm just too engrossed lately of passive income, and envy Jan who earns a lot semi-passively doing what he loves and gets to travel with Kuya always. But maybe, just maybe, that's the kind of life I want. No, that's what I really want!!!

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... I'll just leave this thoughts hanging and see how they settle. Maybe I am too emotional or too logical in these at this time. Let's have time take its role.

When the water is clear, then can I see.